


Kitchen Aid

by misura



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Multi, Post-Iron Man 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 09:11:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10828206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Tony makes dinner. (Well, fine, he makes a thing that makes dinner. Details!)





	Kitchen Aid

Tony felt a bit bad about it, he really did, but in the end, he decided that this was clearly a case where a man had to do what a man had to do, and what a man did _not_ have to do was to put up with people napping or, excuse me, Dr Banner, _drifting off_ on him while he was pouring his heart out. On that note:

"I want a new therapist."

"You have a therapist?" Pepper asked and then, turning to Bruce, who did an incredibly accurate impression of a man taken by surprise, "He has a therapist?"

"A new Bruce," Tony said quickly, because he could tell when a conversation was about to become a two-against-one pile-on, and while the term 'piping hot mess' had, indeed, passed his lips at one point or another, he saw no need to bring that up again _now_ , especially not during dinner.

Clearly, he was doing a lot better these days. True, this do-it-yourself kitchen appliance might need a bit of work, but such was the price of progress. You crawled before you ran.

"Well, at least you're upfront about it," said Bruce. "Thank you for that, I guess."

Pepper frowned at him. "Tony, what's this about? I mean, _really_ about?"

"He thinks I don't listen to him when he tells me his life-story," Bruce said, picking at his food. "Is this some kind of vegetable?"

"Eat up, it's good for you," said Tony.

"Well, who does?" Pepper shrugged. "It's a long story and, honestly, Tony, it's not that exciting."

On the one hand, Tony approved of the general principles of teasing. He'd been known to indulge in it himself, once or twice, although as a rule, he preferred to be upfront about the fact that yes, person interested in getting up, close and personal right over here.

On the other hand, "There are explosions. Explosions aren't exciting?"

"Well, it's, you know, a show and tell kind of thing," Bruce said. "You show me an explosion, sure, that's going to get my attention. You _tell_ me something blew up and, well, it doesn't make as much of an impression. It's just a word, Tony."

Tony considered mentioning he knew some words that were really, really good at getting people's attention, but, well, he _had_ made dinner - or made the thing that had made dinner, at any rate; practically the same thing, and while it might be gratifying to receive irrefutable proof that he was more attractive than dinner, some confirmation of his value as a human being who knew how to cook might be nice, too. It was all part of the masterplan.

"So what you're saying is, next time, I should make it a multi-media presentation? With - oh, I don't know, a couple of pie-charts? A theme-song? Oh, hey, I know, why don't I make it a music video?"

"Tony," Pepper said. Her tone implied he was in trouble, which was clearly uncalled for.

"I'll let you pick the song. Can't make it fairer than that, right?"

Bruce grimaced, but Tony could tell there was thinking going on. In all fairness, as long as he wasn't big, green and extremely attractive if you thought Thor and Cap were a bit on the frail and skinny side, it was a fairly safe bet that Bruce had his thinking cap on. It was one of the things Tony liked about him, combined with the fact that he was able to speak English like a real person.

"Can I - "

"Nope. Just pick something that reminds you of, I don't know, me?"

" _Tony._ "

"Sorry, Pep. My life-story, my song. Although do feel free to make suggestions."

"I was going to ask: are you _sure_ this is edible?"

Always with the tough questions. "What are you talking about? It's delicious." Not _objectively_ , perhaps, but hardly what Tony'd call 'inedible'. Horrible-tasting, possibly, but not 'inedible'.

"It's ... really not," said Bruce. Smelling blood in the water, clearly.

"De gustibus et cetera and so on." Not an argument that was going to bring him sweet, sweet victory, Tony judged. For starters, Pepper prefered to pretend that she didn't understand him when he spoke any language other than English, which was obviously ridiculous, given that she was fluent in at least two other languages that Tony knew of (not including 'Tony-speak', which was really only a language according to Bruce and, occasionally, Steve when he (that was to say, Steve) was being difficult).

"Fine. You eat this, we'll order - I don't know, what are you in the mood for?"

At some point in his life, some well-intentioned parental figure had taken Bruce aside and told him how to act like a gentleman. Some times, Tony wished he could go back in time and shake that person's hand, preferably while asking him for the Cliff's notes version. Other times, like right now, he felt it had given Bruce an unfair advantage when it came to dealing with Pepper.

"Why don't we go out? I'm sure Tony won't mind. We can take that car you like."

Bruce grinned. A lesser man might have presented him with a car right then and there. Happily, Tony was destined for greatness and well aware of it - at least when he wasn't too busy having anxiety attacks and doubting his life-choices, but eh. Bygones.

"That would be _my_ car," said Tony. "Mine. Not yours."

"Would you prefer me to ask nicely first?" Pepper showed him a hint of dimples, just enough to almost get him excited. (All right. So Bruce might have a point about that whole show-and-tell thing.)

"Well. That does seem fair, don't you think? And, I mean, if you're both going to ... " A late dinner was still dinner, after all.

"Or we could just forget the whole 'I want a new Bruce' thing and give you and your kitchen monster thing some alone time," Bruce said, smoothly derailing some fairly pleasant fantasies Tony'd had going on regarding the general direction of the evening.

"Or we could do that, yes." Pepper nodded, still smiling. Pepper was an extremely cruel woman, when the wrong mood struck her.

"Or, just thinking out loud here, but bear with me, _or_ we could all go, the three of us and make it a night on the town. Dinner, a movie, drinks after for me and Pep, the works."

Pepper arched an eyebrow at Bruce. Bad things occasionally happened when that she did that - but very, very good things as well, so Tony tried not to look like he was at all worried. It was a great offer, anyway; anyone in their right mind would prefer a night _with_ Tony over a night _without_ Tony. No contest whatsoever. It shouldn't even require a second of thought.

Bruce sighed. "Fine. I pick the car and the bar, you pick the restaurant and the movie?"

Tony raised his hand. "Third party here. What do _I_ get to pick?"

"If you're good, you can pick dessert."

"Well, I've kind of got this bad boy image going on, but I guess that occasionally, sacrifices need to be made."


End file.
